Captain Remy Sans-Barbe is an infamous pirate who claims to have shot down thousands of pilots - although those who know him best say that estimate is a bit high. Despite his apparent ineptitude as a pirate, Remy is a teacher of the plundering ways at Echo Flight School, a position granted him by his friend Lord Gilbert.
Recently, Adventure Journalist Jarylan Hundecoph challenged, or rather, invited Captain Remy to an interview with Ellington Radio. The good Captain agreed, given that either Ellington or Jarylan brought 30 cases of O'Doyle Nippenbrau to Olio. Ellington brought the booze, and the interview commenced. As the interview began he had already cracked open the Nippenbrau, which later caught up to him.
Jarylan: First off, could you give us a brief background on you, Captain? Perhaps birth location, early education in the ways of piracy, things like that?
Remy: I was born the caterwauling child of a piratess during a fever pitched battle in the Eastern territories. Within five minutes she was back in the thick of battle. Ah, a right old gal, me mum was.
From there, I quickly rose the ladder of piracy, throat by throat eventually coming to my own ship at the ripe old age of thirteen, a bit of a birthday present to myself if you get my meaning!
Ah...mum never forgave me for stealing her ship...
Jarylan: How would you describe yourself, Captain?
Remy: With great humility, I would say I be perfection in a great hat. I challenge you to say otherwise.
Jarylan: "Otherwise." Jarylan pauses. That didn't seem so hard.
You're quite a personality. Would you consider yourself the de facto leader of the pirates? Or only the most famous?
Remy: Just about every pirate worth his salt would claim those titles me lad. Course, you could count on a hook hand just how many actually were telling the truth...
Have yourself a drink lad, it'll spoil!
Remy downs another.
Jarylan: Jary has a drink, but not as much as the captain. What is the allure of piracy for you, Captain? Pardon me for saying so, but it seems like if you were mostly after fortune, there are easier and less dangerous ways to go about it.
Remy: Come on lad, think you could see me in some dinky little trading post debating the price of fish? HA!
Nay lad, the skies for me. Taking what I want, going for what I need, letting me own heart guide my plane.
Jarylan: Speaking of piracy, it has come to the attention of many somewhat freer skyrates that getting on good terms with the pirates is rather difficult. Is there some sort of conspiracy to keep pirates from recruiting, do you think?
Remy: *hic* I'd shay is more survival lad...a pirate isn't like regular factions. We aren't about to shetting up a little place in the tavern with the governor going, "Ah lah de da, my lad. Would you care to join the Pie-rat faction? Jush sign your name to a paper in triplicate iffin you please."
You don't join the pirates.
You just become one, sure as air is air and sea is sea...*hic*
Jarylan: Jarylan suddenly smiles. Exactly what I wanted to hear captain...thank you...
Also on the subject of mysteries, what is your take on the strange craft known as the Goldfish? Before the massive storm that reshaped Skytopia, the craft was completely unknown. But as soon as the storm had subsided, the skies were filled with swarms of the tiny golden craft. The problem has subsided a bit, but the vast numbers of Goldfish lead many to believe that there is a pirate factory somewhere churning out numerous examples of the design. Any comment on these rumors? Some whisper that my own co-anchor, Ellington, has something to do with the Goldfish.
Remy: Haven't the foggiest myself. Little buggersh sure do make a racket when you smash into them on the battlefield though. Ha ha ha!
Jarylan: While on the subject of ships, we here at ERN have heard that your personal Loki sports a very interesting paint job. Care to tell us about it, and maybe where you got it? (The paint job, not the Loki.)
Remy: Funny *hic* shtory there, a long one that involves me raiding a fleet of ships that I thought was filled with the Duke's own stock of grog. Turned out to be a shipment of paint supplies. Who could tell?
Jarylan: Having come to rest on the idea of ships and pirates, what do you think of Ellington Radio? We are Skytopia's pirate radio station, after all.
Remy: NEEDS MORE GROG AND WENCHES!
Jarylan: We'll work on that. Now speaking of pirates, ships and interesting people...we hear that your grandmother still flies the skies. Er...what does she pilot? I'd prefer not to cross her...
Remy: Granny decided to tie 4 Ingersolls to a Bismarck *hic* Wouldn't hear any nay sayers whatsoever. Calls it the Screamer, after me grandpa.
Jarylan: Haven't run into that. Somewhat torn on the issue. On the one hand...I really wanna see that. On the other, I have a tendency to believe your gran might shoot first and ask questions never.
Back to focusing on yourself...you're known to be rather friendly towards new skyrates, a somewhat unusual trait for a pirate. Is there any truth to the rumors that you are connected to the Echo Flight School in some way?
Remy: NONE WHATSOEVER YOU LITTLE TWERP
Look, I ah...I owed Gilbert a favor, and he thought me *hic* experience would be ushful to young'uns.
No, I'm not discussing Gilbersh favor. That'sh between me and ham. Him. Not ham.
Jarylan: I am curious, but as this is entirely a volunteer interview, consider the matter dropped.
Do you have any specific opinions you'd like to offer up about the other big names in Skytopia; Elstina, Fuseli, Gilbert, and Islo? With the exception of Gilbert, I'd immagine you're not on the best of terms with most of them, being a pirate.
Remy: That Eltsina cuts quite a figure...*hic* I heat tell she'sh got alllll sorts of wonders down in that sub of hers...bet I could show her a thing ...or two...
Jary listens very close to this part. *thunk*
Jarylan: Finally...where can I get an outfit like that, seriously? You cut a rather dashing figure if I may say so.
Jary looks a little disappointed, but gets Ell to help him. They each grab hold of the captain's arms, and get him a room in an inn under a false name to sleep off the grog.
- Source: WANTED: Captain Remy Sans-Barbe